Macavity: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
by VioletHunter
Summary: So you've bought yourself a MACAVITY model. Congratulations! Here's all you need to know about caring for your Jellicle.


I was trying to overcome my writer's block by browsing other fandoms, and I found Theresa Green's amazing Owner's Guide series. Theresa's ARAGORN and LEGOLAS Guides have inspired quite a bunch of writers, and she kindly allowed me to borrow the format for some Jellicle guides.

Disclaimer: I don't own Macavity, of course - if I did I'd auction him off on ebay and become a millionaire... mwahahahahaha!

**

* * *

MACAVITY OWNER'S GUIDE **

**CONGRATULATIONS!**

You are now the proud owner of a MACAVITY! In order to obtain top performance from your Master Criminal, please take a few moments to read the accompanying documentationand follow the procedures detailed in this manual to use your Jellicle to his full potential.

**TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS**

Name: Macavity, aka Napoleon of Crime.

Type: Feline, Jellicle tom (male).

Manufacturers: T.S.Eliot Inc, London, England.

Description: Anthro-feline, covered in ginger fur, with occasional patches of white, red and yellow.

Height / Weight: Unspecified, but assured to be 'tall and thin' (the exact height depends on the manufacture lot).

Lenght: Data not available but guaranteed satisfactory.

**ACCESORIES**

Your MACAVITY will be shipped to you in a protective crate. The original box contains also a set of spiked collars and a hunting net. Unfortunately, the range of accessories available is somewhat narrow, as clothing is not neccessary at all for this kind of Jellicle models.

Your MACAVITY unit will arrive to you in his factory condition of travel-stained. It is recommended that you immediately remove his collar and put him into a hot soapy bubble bath. This will keep his moving parts in pristine condition and fully-functional. It's thoroughly recommended that you do not activate your unit before the bath: his feline insticts may reject the contact with water and he will most likely end up in throwing you out of the bathroom.

CAUTION: Married/committed MACAVITY owners must ensure that their spouses are otherwise engaged in gardening/car maintenance/crocodile-hunting etc. before carrying out this procedure. The company is not held responsible for divorce costs, alimony payments, or hospital fees due to careless execution of this procedure in the company of jealous housemates.

**OPERATING PROCEDURE**

Your MACAVITY has been designed to be user-friendly and efficient, which means that his temper has been toned down a bit (but is still there). His controls are voice activated. Please state your instructions clearly in English (updates in several other languages are available by request).

Apart from the aesthetic value or your MACAVITY (after the bath, of course), and his capacity to develop certain kind of activities, which will not be mentioned here as young children could get a hold of this packet, he can also be utilized in several capacities about the house:

Dancing: Your MACAVITY is a highly skilled dancer, choreographer and acrobat. He can be very useful as a dance teacher or partner, although most of the time he likes to dance alone.

Magic shows: Your MACAVITY is equipped with full levitation and teleporting powers, and has rather good hypnotism skills. Thus, he is perfect for offering magic shows for children in birthday parties, family meetings, communions, bar/bat-mitzvahs, trade conventions, and TV/movie appearances.

Spying: Although it's not a habit that should be encouraged in any way, this unit has got a natural tendency of melting into the background, which, along with his teleporting powers, might be useful for overhearing conversations about more or less secret matters. It is possible, but of course morally wrong, to attach a small camera or microphone to your MACAVITY and spy at your neighbours.

CAUTION: Your MACAVITY is a fully functional Jellicle tom and is capable of providing many other services around the home. However certain tasks should not be undertaken by owners who are in a stable relationship with another human. Improper use of a MACAVITY by such owners can result in permanent damage to marital contentment and the commencement of divorce proceedings.

**COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER MODELS**

Your MACAVITY model is by nature a loner. As long as he is kept supplied with sufficient materials and an adequate workspace, he does not need frequent interaction with other models.

T.S.Eliot Inc. has preprogrammed your model with three modes of interaction:

_I. Slightly mischievous, but not a bad cat deep down._

_II. Bitter and misunderstood because of a love story gone wrong._

_III. Purely evil Napoleon of Crime._

You can switch modes as often as you want, depending on how you plan to use your unit.

If you wish to socialize your MACAVITY model, he is compatible with the MUNGOJERRIE, RUMPLETEAZER and GRIDDLEBONE models, unless your GRIDDLEBONE unit is set to "Loving the Pirate" mode. In that case she will not pay any attention to your MACAVITY.

If you've set your MACAVITY on position I or II, he may also socialize with a DEMETER model. However, in this case he must be constantly monitorized, due to his tendency to run away carrying the DEMETER unit with him. That circumstance is not covered by the general insurance we provide with all Jellicle models.

**CLEANING**

Jellicle units are equipped with an auto-cleaning function. However, due to the special characteristics of your MACAVITY unit, his fur tends to be covered in a thin coat of dust. As bathing the unit will not be willingly accepter by your MACAVITY, the better way to proceed is to brush his hair and comb his whiskers at least once a week.

**FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS**

**Q:** What do I feed my MACAVITY?

**A:** The same you would give to an ordinary cat. However, if you want him to become fond of you, feed him caviar, salmon paste and Strasbourg Pie on a regular basis.

**Q:** Doesn't MACAVITY have RATS as accessories?

**A:** The MACAVITY model can be aquired in a Luxury Version including three HENCHRATS, or in a Professional Version, including three HENCHCATS. The RATS and CATS are not sold separately. However, you may acquire our "Notorious Thieves" kit, including MUNGOJERRIE and RUMPLETEAZER, who will be the perfect complement for your MACAVITY model.

**Q:** I put my MACAVITY in _"Master Criminal" _mode just for fun, and now he's kidnapped half my family and wants me to surrender my back yard to him.

**A:** We suggest not to use mode III unless you are completely sure that you can control your MACAVITY. In any case, the only thing you can do to recover your family members is acquire a MISTOFFELEES unit to get them back.

**TROUBLESHOOTING**

**Problem:** My MACAVITY disappears for long periods of time, and I can't find him anywhere.

**Solution a):** Seek him in the basement.

**Solution b):** Walk around your house repeating constantly "Macavity's not there". His natural feline curiosity will make him appear in a few moments. Keep in mind that your MACAVITY model likes to make spectacular entries and disappearances, so people with a weak heart would better purchase better-natured Jellicle unit (recommended special offer: MUNKUSTRAP models for sale, only this month!).

**Problem:** My MACAVITY shows amazing singing and flirting abilities, is wearing a funny silvery belt and has a weird curl in his head-fur.

**Solution:** It is possible that you have accidentally been issued with a RUM TUM TUGGER model. This is not uncommon, as the genetic pattern for both models is very similar (the Deuteronomy prototype has been the origin of several Jellicle units). Unfortunately company policies do not allow for returns on any basis. On the plus side, you have accidentally been issued with a RUM TUM TUGGER model. Stop complaining!

**Problem:** There are not clothing accessories available for my MACAVITY unit.

**Solution:** Is that a complaint?

**Problem:** I let my MACAVITY go out, and he came back bruised and scratched, and in a terrible mood.

**Solution:** Surely there is a MUNKUSTRAP model in the neighbourhood. In any case, interaction between your unit and a MUNKUSTRAP model can result in severe damages for both of them, unless they have been equipped with the "Slash" setting (ask your local retalier for the Slash Update Kit 2.0). In any other case, it will be necessary to keep them strictly apart.

**Problem:** My MACAVITY has taken to abducting my neighbour's DEUTERONOMY model and hiding him in the cellar.

**Solution:** Kidnapping DEUTERONOMY units is a common behaviour in a MACAVITY; ask your neighbour to purchase a MISTOFFELEES unit to get back his Jellicle model when this occurs.

**FINAL NOTE**

Your MACAVITY unit is guaranteed for a period of time depending on the model you have acquired. A MACAVITY belonging to our _CatLike_ series will last up to 15-20 years. If you have purchased a _HumanLike_ series model, it can last up to 80-90 years. Be sure that the neccessary dispositions are made in your last will in order to avoid quarrels between your heirs for the property of the model.


End file.
